I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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