i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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