The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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