You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
