i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
