my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
