I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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