so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
