can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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