i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
