the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
