How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
wanna go halves on a baby?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
