The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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