Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
