Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The Olympian is in my bed
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
