So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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