You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
