Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
