No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
My nipple is on Facebook.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
