that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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