just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
