Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
