She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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