Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
