if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I can't put those talents on a resume
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Randomize
