She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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