I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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