He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
