WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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