I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
