i don't like sucking hair
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
