i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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