i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
