The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
