just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
