that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She told me I should be a condom model.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
