So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
