i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
