my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Randomize
