i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
