maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
