"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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