Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
