Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
