Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
