okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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