He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
