Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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