Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
