Can i not drive my cunt home
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Did I show you my penis last night?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
