I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
there is glitter all over my balls
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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