it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
