Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
