well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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