he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
