Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
