my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
