I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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