Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
