I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
