i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
