do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
